Its been a while. But thats ok.

Let me preface this by saying that I LOVE writing my blog, and I equally LOVE receiving your feedback, stories and the times, when something I share with you, that it strikes a cord and we find this connection. I also just couldn’t seem to find the balance to write and be present over this past few months, so I had to put this blog of mine on the backburner a bit.

As I was reflecting on my desire to reach out via this platform today, I was feeling the same tug in my heart that I feel when I haven’t checked in with a friend in a while. Then it hit me, it has been a while since i have had a chance to really connect with some of the people I miss the most. Living in the place of watching everyones life unfold on social media can be both a blessing and  a curse. Its amazing to be able to see kids grow, successes happen and life “go on” but it can also be a painful reminder of what we are missing. I have this one friend, she’s been a kindred spirit form the get go and we live in separate states now, but as this was all spiralling in my head I could remember her telling me  “sometimes, I have to take “social media” in small doses as it can hurt too much to be reminded that Im not able to be experiencing life with those I miss the most”.

The “A-HA” moment struck like lightning. It was like my heart swelled with love, homesickness, fear, and contentment all at once.

This gamut of emotions was a little anxiety inducing at first, but then when I took a deep breath and some time to think about it, I started to embrace each feeling as it flowed through me.

As I am writing completely off the cuff today, pardon my lack of flow at times but I will preface what I am saying by the fact that as a military spouse who is thousands of miles from my nearest and dearest, I often have serious FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). This fear is often irrational and is precipitated by reading a post on social media showing “my tribe” doing the things we used to do when I was there, but this time I am not making that memory with them. I am not in the photos. I will not get the jokes. I am not there to celebrate the successes or hold a long hug during a time of loss. I fear that I am being forgotten, or an less important. Worse, I fear that those whom I care for think that I have forgotten about them. I think that this is a common mindset in that lengthly period of/process of transition to a new place and creating “Tribe 2.0”.

In the past few weeks, and days, events have occurred that have reminded me just how far from home we are. The loss of a dear family friend whom I didn’t know was sick. The celebration of birthdays and the tragic losses of hockey players I never knew but I can feel the ache of my country mourning their loss. The homesickness comes in waves; sometimes the current is gentle, other days it feels like the “High Surf Advisory” has been called. The only real positive of homesickness is knowing that “home” will always be there and so will the people with whom you associate “home”. Home really IS where the heart is. My heart is here with my hubby and girls, but also with each and every one of those people in my life who are forever my “family”.

It is that reflection, that brings me to the LOVE. It pushes away the FEAR. It holds my heart in a way that lets me find peace and contentment. I am so loved, and I know that despite my FOMO. I hear it in the messages I get saying “the girls all got together tonight, you were so missed”. The texts from family and calls to say they love and miss us. The teary goodbyes at the end of FaceTime chats. The cards and letters we get via snail mail and knowing that we surround ourselves with people who love us and the quality of these relationships is transcendent of time and distance.

So, if you’re reading this and you haven’t heard from me in a while, or you are wanting to reach out to someone you miss dearly, know that you are thought of with love on the regular and that they (and I) would LOVE to hear your update, your story, your voice. But we get it, sometimes it has been a while, but with those people whom you love, and love you most, it is ok.

~M~

4 Comments on “Its been a while. But thats ok.

  1. It is great to hear your thoughts again. I wonder if you are also getting through the culture shock phase and really settling in to your new posting. The reason I ask ,is that I am starting to feel like Tokyo is feeling more settled but I have moments of feeling that pull from back home especially with the loss of the hockey players. Moments like this I really feel far from home. A lot of days I feel more settled especially compared to when I first got here and I am loving it and I feel more like a resident than a visitor but there are fleeting moments of being far from home and love bed ones. This is my first posting outside Canada to and it’s been the same length of time as you so I wonder if it’s part of this expat life. I hope you are loving Cali as much as I love Tokyo and thanks for sharing your journey. Take Care. Trudy

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  2. Love you my Sista 😘😘😘😘You are my forever friend regardless of how much time we are able to communicate. I know you are Always there for me and I’m always here for you. As the song goes, Thank you for being a friend ! ❤️

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  3. I feel your pain 200% for the last 3 years almost. Home will always be Canada (NS) and I always have some weird waves of feeling homesick. No matter how beautiful other countries are or interesting other culture might be, we are Canadians and always will be. Its not forever is the one thing that keeps me going sometimes.
    We miss you and really hope we get to meet up again real soon 😦
    xoxoxoxoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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