Forgot that you Existed

Haters Gon’ Hate…and motivate

Today is one of those days where I am motivated to take on ALL of the things. I find myself sitting here, in a very busy Starbucks, happily sipping my latte & wishing I could figure out a way to bottle some of this energy into a reusable container for another day! Wouldn’t that be a helluva market to break into?!

I digress. Getting back to my day of feeling motivated. I was out for a run today and, on one of my intervals, the melodious pop stylings of the incomparable Taylor Swift flooded into my ear buds and the lyrics literally stopped me in my tracks. The track , I Forgot that you Existed, from her Lover album, was the message I didn’t know I needed to hear today! Have you heard it? No? I suggest you take a hot minute, click on your iTunes and download this one! It will make reading this post more relatable. But if you’re not willing to do so, read on anyway and I’ll do my best to paint a good picture!

How many days did I spend
Thinkin’ ’bout how did me wrong, wrong, wrong
Lived in the shade you were throwin’
‘Til all of my sunshine was gone, gone, gone

~Taylor Swift, I Forgot that you Existed

Over the course of my nearly 41 years on this planet I have certainly had shade thrown my way for a number of things; my weight, my gender, my values, my good choices, my poor choices, and sometimes for no damn reason at all. Additionally, if you know me well, you know that I am one of those people who can vividly relive and describe certain moments in life. Some of those moments are those when someone was so hateful toward me that it has become a defining moment in my life. For instance, in high school, a few of us girl friends went to McDonalds on a lunch break and one of my “best friends” proceeded to tell us how a guy friend was surprised that she was friends with the new girl at school because none of her other friends were “pretty like Heather”. And her response to him, instead of saying “and then I told him to F$#k off” , was “yeah, I know right!?” essentially calling her group of best girl friends UGLY! Wow, even typing that out feels awful. Luckily, I now know that I am beautiful no matter what she thinks/thought and beauty is defined as much by actions as it is by physical attributes. Clearly, she was in an “ugly phase” in her heart. PS: we haven’t spoken in years.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because I am DONE living in the gross place that grows when you “live in the shade” that people throw at you. I am so over feeling defined by someone else’s definition of beauty, success, importance or worth. I’ve been done for a while now, but sometimes that realization just strikes you the right way and empowers you to live your authentic life. Hearing this song today simply reiterated how much I have grown and how far I have come over the years.

I have an extraordinary life. I have made and will continue to make incredible memories; set and crush goals and show my daughters that haters are ALWAYS going to hate! Instead of hiding away, or being crushed by those kinds of people, they will know that the energy the haters throw out into the universe can be harnessed into a beautiful source of motivation. A force that will propel them to be the exceptional individuals they are intended to become. They will set their standards high and achieve their dreams no matter what the “crowd” thinks.

I firmly believe that the antidote to these “haters” is complete indifference to their perception of YOU. Putting energy into “hate” or trying to change the mind of someone who can’t see your worth, is just fuel for the fire of their critique. It also forces us to continue to live in a mindset that isn’t healthy or productive for us as individuals. Subsequently, that can, and will, trickle into your other relationships.

I remember feeling that if I disconnected from certain people who had been in my life for ever, that it would hurt them. I was so concerned about their feelings, I never took the time to think about how they were hurting me. I feel so free now that I am living into my values and no longer moulded by the picture that others paint of who I am/who I should be.

And if YOU need a cheerleader in your corner, or someone to remind you that you are amazing, worthy and that your haters are not worth your time, I’m your girl! And to all of MY haters……

I forgot that you existed
And I thought that it would kill me, but it didn’t
And it was so nice
So peaceful and quiet
I forgot that you existed
It isn’t love, it isn’t hate
It’s just indifference

~Taylor Swift, I Forgot that you Existed