Confidence, a work in progress

I want to talk about confidence. Building it, owning it, striving for it, getting it.

Confidence building is one of those things that I am simultaneously proud to say I am working on and ashamed to say I struggle with. What a mess of emotions that comes with struggling with self esteem and being confident. I have had times in my life where I have felt the highs of really owing who I am and the body I am in. Those times weren’t just when I was at my goal weight or when I was running half marathons. I have felt confident and beautiful at 275lbs. I have felt uncomfortable and awkward at 150lbs.

I am self assured in my ability to have quality relationships and I have also been burned by that tenacity. I know, without a doubt, that I am a good person and a fantastic friend. I care deeply and am a good person to have on your side. When I have had to end relationships, or someone ends a relationship with me, it always makes me question what I have done, if I was good enough. I tend to place that blame on my shoulders instead of looking at how the other person(s) was involved.

There are so many facets to self confidence. Body image. Social acceptance/confidence. Relationship confidence. Career confidence. Intellectual confidence. Parental confidence. Good grief! It’s a lot to think about.

As I look at being a strong, confident woman and role model to my two little girls, I have a two main goals I am striving to achieve.

1. I want to be assured in who I am as a woman and mother. Not perfect. Not compared to others. But being MY best me.
2. I want to be confident in my body . It shouldn’t matter if I have ten pounds to lose or not . Confidence is sexy and I want to feel sexy for ME. My hubby wont mind that so much either.

I found this quote on Pinterest that I absolutely LOVE and I think it will be part of my work toward building my self confidence.

Confidence isn’t walking into a room with your nose in the air, and thinking you are better than everyone else. it’s walking into a room and not having to compare yourself to anyone else in the first place. Author Unknown

I am such a comparer. It is definitely not one of my best qualities. I am consistently, looking at the successes of others, and comparing them to my own. I am a huge fan of social media, don’t get me wrong, but damn it can sure wreck havoc on my positivity and spirit. But that is on me. I need to look inward, not externally, for applause, for pride and for reminders of how awesome I am. Because at the end of the day, who better to tell me that I am fabulous, but me?!

I find social media particularly challenging when it comes to being a mom. On the one hand, there are lots of people posting about #reallife but more often than not people are posting the highlights of their life. Which makes sense right?! Who wants to post about the crap? But the problem is that some of us continue to compare our behind the scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel. So, try to be mindful of your social media intake, and how you take it all in. Make sense? It’s something I need reminding of all the time. So lets keep each other in check ok? I know I cant reach my personal goals of being confident in my mom-ability, if I keep comparing myself, in an unhealthy way, to everyone else.

Can we talk a little about sexiness for just a minute, please? One of my favorite quotes about feeling sexy comes from Halle Berry, who lets be honest, knows more than a thing or two about being sexy, am I right?

Sexiness is a state of mind. It’s about loving yourself in your most unlovable moments. Halle Berry

Well, damn! Girl has a point! Confidence, sexiness, tenacity, fortitude and fearlessness all have to come from within. So how do we get there? How do we start feeling confident from the inside out? I think it starts with a few things I have already talked about in previous blogs. So lets take a moment to refresh. We’ve talked previously about gratitude and vulnerability. I think in continuing to practice gratitude we can get to a place of feeling grateful for the body we are in and not just because it allows us to live. But feeling grateful for its beauty, the little nuances that make your body uniquely your own. Maybe its a scar, maybe a freckle (or lots of them), maybe its the stretch marks, maybe its your killer calves. But really start looking at your body and be grateful for all of its beauty. In my new fitness journal, each day it asks me to write down something that I am appreciate about my strong body and I have religiously been recording something each day. Even on the days where I’d pay anything to be able to be in someone else’s body. And you know what, it is helping. Some days, I have to be creative because it can be hard to appreciate your body. But I am definitely finding this practice helpful.

Vulnerability practice can only serve to assist with confidence as well. As one of my favourite social worker/authors/motivators, Brene Brown, who says..

Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change. Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen. Brene Brown.

In practicing vulnerability, we are allowing ourselves to be seen. When we lack confidence, being seen is that last thing we want. Therefore, by practicing being seen, we allow our creativity to shine. We will then see change which will serve to be a positive reminder that we can create who we want to be in this world and as we see that come to fruition, we will feel confident in what we have accomplished. Therefore, being assured in who we are. Simple on paper, but more complicated in reality. But it is a practice, so keep on practicing! I know I will be!

Lastly, I talked recently about positive self talk. Linking positive self talk to building self esteem and confidence, is a no brainer. We HAVE to be able to be kind to ourselves, in order to love who we are inside and out. Simple.  If you’re not there yet with the positive self talk, keep practicing. Head on over to Pinterest and look up some positive mantras for you to rehearse. Try journalling your positive thoughts, anything that will help reinforce positive thinking. It’s a personal journey, so find what works for you!

Being confident is definitely key in terms of wanting to live your best life and being your best YOU. Join me on this journey of learning to love myself, by learning to love yourself. Share with me what’s been working for you, what’s not working for you. Share with me when you feel your sexiest, your smartest, your “mom of the year” moments and the moments when you’re needing a little bit of a boost.

You are beautiful, You are amazing and You are worth it!

 

~M~